Confusing confessions

this isn't reality.

I gave you a coma because

 

For "answer it for me," my response would be "I've been playing Black Ops 3 too much, sorry."
I ate your pretzels because I forgot my lunch at home and left my debit card at home too!

I am really tired because
(please try to make a very funny reason why)

 

...I worked all day at work working for more work to work on.

I slip my socks into you because...

 

... You asked for it!


I took your virginity...

 

Right out of your extra virgin olive oil!

I force

 

... Myself to do my homework..


I touched your private parts...

 

Because that diary of yours was just too tempting not to!

I love myself because....

 

... I'm the best!


I killed your grandparents...

 

flowers... Sorry!

I kiss your..

 

Puppy whenever I see him because he is so cute!

I slept with your....

 

... Teddy Bear!

I saw you naked...

 

Metaphorically on stage scared to sing.

I slipped a...